Second Due Date

The clovers that brought me peace on my last EDD since I feel it is appropriate for this time of year. I love the heart shaped petals on the left one.

So today when people are thinking about the luck of the Irish, I will be thinking about my unluckiness last year. Today was the EDD for my molar pregnancy. It has been a long nine months (really 10 months if you include the prior month's pregnancy), but I think things are finally on an upswing. Now that we are finally able to start trying to conceive helps, but the week leading up to today was still a little testing on the emotions.

A woman I know just gave birth to her daughter three days ago. I wonder how long it will take me to stop comparing where I would have been at to where she is at. I hope that it won't last long because although I don't see her often, I am sure I will have to see her.

Today though I will keep a positive attitude. This is officially the last weekend of winter, so I know the days will get better. Just as the weather changes, attitude changes as well. Today I will enjoy my loving husband and cuddly dogs. My husband used to tell this story to me about how when we used to talk of the phone prior to dating. Both of us would talk about other relationships/people we were interested in. At the time we both liked each other, but neither one of us wanted a long distance relationships. Well he says sometimes when I would talk about other guys he would think "someday she'll be mine" or "someday this will be about me". In honor of this, today I choose to think "someday it will be our turn", and this brings me hope.

Ready or not?

I am so ready to jump back onto the trying to conceive train. Although prior to the past few weeks I have been anxious about trying again, I am feeling good now that we are at the point where we can start again. Honestly, I am surprised but happy by this knowledge.

I spent an extra month TTA due to insurance issues, but had really no issue with this. I figured that meant maybe I wasn't ready. However, shortly after the insurance got straightened out I started having bad neck pain and numbness. I figured I overdid it, but as it became clear that I may have to go to the doctor I began dreading it fearing they would tell me I need an MRI. Although I usually wait until something is bad to go to the doctor, I do still jump to conclusions quickly. Anyway the point is I knew I was ready again because I was dreading being told I had to avoid for yet another reason.

I did end up going to the doctor and found out some of it must have been anxiety as it did improve shortly after seeing him. Thankfully, the pain went mostly away though I can feel it tweak a little if I do something funny. I still don't know what exactly I did to it, but I think it was some sort of exercise. I was telling my boss about it and she said, "I always say exercise is bad". Now that I am feeling better and we are on a new cycle from the one we got approved for STD on we are fully ready to jump in with two feet.

Good Weekend

It is amazing to me how being around friends can make you feel like you are back to the living. I feel like since this summer I have been more of a hermit than my usual self is. Part of that is inevitable with living far away from family and many friends but another part is just who I am.

This weekend however was spent with two other child-free couples and it was glorious. It was nice to just hang out with no kid or pregnancy talk. It was just talk about jobs, houses, real life, in-laws and even relationships. As we begin to embark back on our journey towards TTCAL it was refreshing and very much needed.