Friday, January 27, 2012
A little something that made me stop and think.
So the past couple of days I've been reading about another woman who had a molar pregnancy, but needed signficant treatment and is currently still battling cancer as a result. The author has a really upbeat outlook and is working on choosing the joy in her life. This really made me stop and think about what is important in life. In general I am a very optimistic and easy going person, but the last 6 months have taken a lot out of me. After reading this story it has made me realize I need to make a conscious effort to be more positive again. I am the only one capable of giving myself true hapiness. I need to choose to be happy, I need to "choose joy". You can read more about this on her blog if you want. Just click below.
Monday, January 23, 2012
My MP story...from finding out it was a MP to now
8/25/11-On this day I got a phone call from my Dr that they wanted to move my follow-up appointment for my D&C up since they got the pathology reports back. I was terrified because obviously something must have been wrong in order for them to want to move my appointment.
8/26/11-The official news that the pathology revealed molar cells. I was surprisingly at ease with this knowledge even though this was my worst fear prior to the appointment. I guess fear of the unknown really is the worst thing for me.
8/29/11-Found out my HCG dropped from over 120,000 prior to D&C to 587 on 8/26. Happy for the drop but still anxious for future numbers.
9/12/11-This was a larger gap than I meant to have due to being super sick with a sinus infection and fever. When I got the antibiotic from the Dr. at urgent care I'm sure they thought it was the weirdest thing that I was asking if it would affect HCG level. Also, it was difficult to get enough blood due to the antibiotic. Anyway, HCG was down to 28. I was ecstatic considering I was hoping for under 100.
9/25/11-My first cycle came and I have to say the first time I was ever excited for that. Yes nothing is sacred on here.
9/29/11-Follow-up ultrasound reveals that there is no evidence of retained tissue and all the ovarian cysts are gone. The ultrasound technician wrote the Dr. a "little love note" that everything was back to normal. Did I mention I really like the staff at my OB/GYN office.
10/3/11-Nurse left a message that my HCG was considered negative :)
10/14/11-Played phone tag with a nurse that wouldn't leave my numbers on my answering machine even though I signed a release for that. She had me freaked out that I had gone back up, but thankfully it hadn't. She informed me this was the last of my "weeklies". I asked what the number was and she said 2, she also said the last draw was 5.
1/12/12-Five months to the day of my D&C I have my last follow-up at the Dr. provided my HCG is negative.
1/19/12-I finally got around to calling the Dr. I'm still negative WOOHOO!! So now I just have to wait for my short-term disability insurance to kick in and we are back on the TTC wagon.
8/26/11-The official news that the pathology revealed molar cells. I was surprisingly at ease with this knowledge even though this was my worst fear prior to the appointment. I guess fear of the unknown really is the worst thing for me.
8/29/11-Found out my HCG dropped from over 120,000 prior to D&C to 587 on 8/26. Happy for the drop but still anxious for future numbers.
9/12/11-This was a larger gap than I meant to have due to being super sick with a sinus infection and fever. When I got the antibiotic from the Dr. at urgent care I'm sure they thought it was the weirdest thing that I was asking if it would affect HCG level. Also, it was difficult to get enough blood due to the antibiotic. Anyway, HCG was down to 28. I was ecstatic considering I was hoping for under 100.
9/25/11-My first cycle came and I have to say the first time I was ever excited for that. Yes nothing is sacred on here.
9/29/11-Follow-up ultrasound reveals that there is no evidence of retained tissue and all the ovarian cysts are gone. The ultrasound technician wrote the Dr. a "little love note" that everything was back to normal. Did I mention I really like the staff at my OB/GYN office.
10/3/11-Nurse left a message that my HCG was considered negative :)
10/14/11-Played phone tag with a nurse that wouldn't leave my numbers on my answering machine even though I signed a release for that. She had me freaked out that I had gone back up, but thankfully it hadn't. She informed me this was the last of my "weeklies". I asked what the number was and she said 2, she also said the last draw was 5.
1/12/12-Five months to the day of my D&C I have my last follow-up at the Dr. provided my HCG is negative.
1/19/12-I finally got around to calling the Dr. I'm still negative WOOHOO!! So now I just have to wait for my short-term disability insurance to kick in and we are back on the TTC wagon.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Happy Birthday to my Wonderful Husband
Our little snowman family from last year's birthday present
There have been a lot of ups and downs over the course of the last year, but through it all my husband has been nothing but supportive and awesome. For this I am so thankful. There have been times when I was a sobbing hormonal mess and times when I have been mad at the world and easily irritated. He even did dishes for like a month straight when we found out about my latest loss, as I waited to m/c and after my D&C. Although I am not proud to admit how I have been, I am proud that Jay made a difficult time easier. All these characteristics that he has will make him a good father someday. As I bought a card from him this weekend from the dogs (yes I am that person), I struggled with what to write on it. Do I include anything about the babies we lost or not. I got to thinking I would be full term tomorrow, so this became a bittersweet day for me. For now though, I have chosen to have today be full of the positives. I am thinking of the happy times and the laughing times.
And I leave you with a cake story (I'd include a picture, but my writing skills on the cake weren't too good this year). Every year Jay asks for a Funfetti cake without fail. Of course I make one for him although it is quite boring in my opinion. Anyway, did you know that Betty Crocker actually calls the cake "rainbow party chip". We had quite the laugh last night about the fact we were having a "rainbow party chip" cake, which included some off-collar humor otherwise I would post it here. I almost died laughing, and I love that even when I'm grumpy the hubby can make me laugh.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sunday Silliness
In honor of the recent snow I give you one of Yoda's first experiences in it. He likes to run in it, stick his whole head into it including his eyes and eat it.
Here is a still picture with his game face on. If you look all the snow that is packed down in the photo is from him running around in circles.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Molar Pregnancy
This post is to attempt to explain what a molar pregnancy is to those people who don't know. If you already know this or don't care to know feel free to skip this post.
What is a Molar Pregnancy?
First of all, there are two different types of molar pregnancy (MP), complete and partial. I will refer to complete as CMP and partial as PMP. I had a CMP. Both are rare ~1/1,000 odds due to a genetic error during fertilizations. The odds of a second MP are somewhere around 1/100, but this varies and I believe the odds are less if you had a PMP. This is caused when there is no genetic information in the egg, but a sperm still fertilizes what is there. A CMP can not develop into a fetus, but still produces HCG and your body thinks it is pregnant. A PMP is when two sperm somehow fertilize the same egg or it could be a two-headed sperm. This results in a triploidy fetus such as XXX, XXY or XYY. Although this does produce a fetus it cannot live normally even if the baby makes it to term. To be clear not all babies that have triploidy are molar. Molar pregnancy has an added component of these cells that replicate and form fluid filled sacs in the placenta.
What is the procedure for treating a non-complicated MP?
Although a MP is not viable your body thinks it is pregnant and continues to produce HCG, which spreads the growth of the cystic areas. Due to this a D&C procedure is pretty much always needed to remove the tissue (I have heard of some instances where this was not the case, but it is required 99.99% of the time from what I have seen). The D&C will hopefully make your body think you have miscarried and your HCG will start going down. It is generally recommended that you get weekly HCG tests until you get three negatives, followed by bloodwork monthly until you have three monthly negatives. The American College of Gynecology recommends a wait time from negative of six months to a year, but there is some research indicating that shorter wait times may be okay if you drop quickly without other intervention. **Disclaimer**: I am not a Dr. and do not know your specific story, please talk to your Dr. if you want to try sooner than they have recommended.
Why is HCG monitoring important?
The basic answer to this is that the HCG level drops tell your Dr. whether the tissue growth could be spreading or not. What happens is as the tissue grows it continues to produce HCG (pregnancy hormone). If you get pregnant before your monitoring is over the Dr. will not know if the rise is from a new pregnancy or a cancer like condition.
Did you say cancer?
The truth is what is scary about a MP is that it can cause cancer called Choriocarcinoma. is very rare (the statistics I've seen are like 1-3%, but I haven't seen anything too reliable) but is largely cureable especially with good medical care. More common is something called gestational trohoblastic disease (GTD), which is when tissue continues to grow following D&C but remains isolated to the uterus. GTD is more common in CMP with occurring in approximately 20% of cases compared to 5% of cases in PMP. GTD and Choriocarcinoma are treated with various chemotherapy drugs including methotrexate, Act-D or EMACO depending on severity. GTD may also be treated by repeat D&C if your Dr. feels there is enough tissue leftover to warrant this. Dr.'s may also use chest x-rays to monitor whether you have spreading to your lungs. Longer wait times are typical for those who require chemo.
I hope I didn't overwhelm you with information, but if you have questions please feel free to ask. Also if you are newly diagnosed with a MP please try to take it one day at a time because the reality is 80-95% of those diagnosed will not need further treatment after an initial D&C.
What is a Molar Pregnancy?
First of all, there are two different types of molar pregnancy (MP), complete and partial. I will refer to complete as CMP and partial as PMP. I had a CMP. Both are rare ~1/1,000 odds due to a genetic error during fertilizations. The odds of a second MP are somewhere around 1/100, but this varies and I believe the odds are less if you had a PMP. This is caused when there is no genetic information in the egg, but a sperm still fertilizes what is there. A CMP can not develop into a fetus, but still produces HCG and your body thinks it is pregnant. A PMP is when two sperm somehow fertilize the same egg or it could be a two-headed sperm. This results in a triploidy fetus such as XXX, XXY or XYY. Although this does produce a fetus it cannot live normally even if the baby makes it to term. To be clear not all babies that have triploidy are molar. Molar pregnancy has an added component of these cells that replicate and form fluid filled sacs in the placenta.
What is the procedure for treating a non-complicated MP?
Although a MP is not viable your body thinks it is pregnant and continues to produce HCG, which spreads the growth of the cystic areas. Due to this a D&C procedure is pretty much always needed to remove the tissue (I have heard of some instances where this was not the case, but it is required 99.99% of the time from what I have seen). The D&C will hopefully make your body think you have miscarried and your HCG will start going down. It is generally recommended that you get weekly HCG tests until you get three negatives, followed by bloodwork monthly until you have three monthly negatives. The American College of Gynecology recommends a wait time from negative of six months to a year, but there is some research indicating that shorter wait times may be okay if you drop quickly without other intervention. **Disclaimer**: I am not a Dr. and do not know your specific story, please talk to your Dr. if you want to try sooner than they have recommended.
Why is HCG monitoring important?
The basic answer to this is that the HCG level drops tell your Dr. whether the tissue growth could be spreading or not. What happens is as the tissue grows it continues to produce HCG (pregnancy hormone). If you get pregnant before your monitoring is over the Dr. will not know if the rise is from a new pregnancy or a cancer like condition.
Did you say cancer?
The truth is what is scary about a MP is that it can cause cancer called Choriocarcinoma. is very rare (the statistics I've seen are like 1-3%, but I haven't seen anything too reliable) but is largely cureable especially with good medical care. More common is something called gestational trohoblastic disease (GTD), which is when tissue continues to grow following D&C but remains isolated to the uterus. GTD is more common in CMP with occurring in approximately 20% of cases compared to 5% of cases in PMP. GTD and Choriocarcinoma are treated with various chemotherapy drugs including methotrexate, Act-D or EMACO depending on severity. GTD may also be treated by repeat D&C if your Dr. feels there is enough tissue leftover to warrant this. Dr.'s may also use chest x-rays to monitor whether you have spreading to your lungs. Longer wait times are typical for those who require chemo.
I hope I didn't overwhelm you with information, but if you have questions please feel free to ask. Also if you are newly diagnosed with a MP please try to take it one day at a time because the reality is 80-95% of those diagnosed will not need further treatment after an initial D&C.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Dr. Update
So yesterday was my last follow-up for my molar pregnancy (hopefully...fingers crossed on that one). I had blood drawn and provided my numbers are still negative my Dr. cleared us to start trying again on my next cycle. I will call for my results on Tuesday, but there is no reason to think that my numbers have risen given my cycles being regular still.
Funny story though was that the Dr. thought I was slacking and never got my last blood drawn. I told her that I went when the nurse told me and that I thought I was having one that day at the appointment. You have got to love the miscommunication sometimes. Thankfully, I really loved my OB during my m/c (I had only seen the nurse practitioner before then) because otherwise I don't think I would stick with them. I also want to add a disclaimer that the appointment made me think I know more of the research on molar pregnancy than she does, which is fine (with it being so rare I wouldn't expect her to know a ton) but still weird.
Funny story though was that the Dr. thought I was slacking and never got my last blood drawn. I told her that I went when the nurse told me and that I thought I was having one that day at the appointment. You have got to love the miscommunication sometimes. Thankfully, I really loved my OB during my m/c (I had only seen the nurse practitioner before then) because otherwise I don't think I would stick with them. I also want to add a disclaimer that the appointment made me think I know more of the research on molar pregnancy than she does, which is fine (with it being so rare I wouldn't expect her to know a ton) but still weird.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Over It?
I was told recently that I can't dwell on my loss. this makes me sad for several reasons.
1) I don't think I am dwelling on it. My life goes on outside the miscarriage. I've been working, crafting, reading, exercising, and working on the house. Most of these don't get a mention in conversation because they are the same old routine, but I am still living life. Honestly, it is just that the holidays make thinking about the loss worse, and it doesn't help when there are two pregnancy announcements in one day. To be clear I am happy for those who get pregnant, but it doesn't make it any less hard to hear.
2) It just goes to show how misunderstood miscarriage is, but it is still hard for somebody you trust to not understand. A person I know once said despite having living children and grandchildren that she still thinks of the ones she lost. Does it get easier, yes, but they are still in your heart.
3) There is no time limit on grief. I would never tell someone that "your mother, father, friend, etc. died over a year ago you just need to get over it already". Unfortunately 3 months after two back to back losses people feel they can say that to be because it is "just a fetus". I just want to say to the world that it isn't just a fetus. It is hopes and dreams. Dreams not only of who this child will be, but also of being a mother. So anyways, I'm sorry I am not over my loss as quickly as you want me to be, but luckily it isn't you I need to answer to.
1) I don't think I am dwelling on it. My life goes on outside the miscarriage. I've been working, crafting, reading, exercising, and working on the house. Most of these don't get a mention in conversation because they are the same old routine, but I am still living life. Honestly, it is just that the holidays make thinking about the loss worse, and it doesn't help when there are two pregnancy announcements in one day. To be clear I am happy for those who get pregnant, but it doesn't make it any less hard to hear.
2) It just goes to show how misunderstood miscarriage is, but it is still hard for somebody you trust to not understand. A person I know once said despite having living children and grandchildren that she still thinks of the ones she lost. Does it get easier, yes, but they are still in your heart.
3) There is no time limit on grief. I would never tell someone that "your mother, father, friend, etc. died over a year ago you just need to get over it already". Unfortunately 3 months after two back to back losses people feel they can say that to be because it is "just a fetus". I just want to say to the world that it isn't just a fetus. It is hopes and dreams. Dreams not only of who this child will be, but also of being a mother. So anyways, I'm sorry I am not over my loss as quickly as you want me to be, but luckily it isn't you I need to answer to.
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