Happy Mother's Day

Somebody shared this on a loss board that I frequent, and I wanted to share.

Happy Mother's Day to those who have children in their arms, to those who have lost children, to those that long to be a mother, to expectant mothers to and all the mothers in heaven!!! ♥

Today my husband picked me some forget-me-nots that escaped onto our lawn from the neighbor's garden before he mowed them over. I know it was a simple gesture for him, but it meant a lot to me today. I thought the love vases were perfect for them. On the back they say "A heart that loves is always in bloom". I also picked one of the Daffodils I had planted as they are the March birth flower. I only wish the Irises I have were in bloom. The second picture is dark, but I'm including it because it shows the piano my brother delivered for my birthday. I can't wait until I finish decorating that room, I think it will be one of my favorites.

End of cycle two

I realized I have been missing in action over here, but I have been meaning to write so I would remember how I was feeling at this point. Cycle number two almost didn't happen yet due to a recurrence of arm pain that I had been do the Dr. for a few months ago. I realized at that point how far I had actually come. There wasn't an extreme sadness or an anxiousness to be pregnant anymore. That is not to say I don't want to be pregnant and have a healthy little one, but I am more accepting of the fact it may take awhile. In other words more how I felt before the first m/c and having to avoid so long when I was so anxious to be trying.

In the end the arm pain let up right before my fertile window so it was full speed ahead. Unfortunately today I found out that it wasn't the lucky one. I'm slightly bummed about this but really doing fine. I also think I am finally not feeling all "stabby" when looking at pictures of the baby that was due right in between my two EDD.

Oh Happy Day...

So in a complete turn around from yesterday my brother just made my day! He wanted to know what I am doing during his spring break in a couple weeks, which is right before my birthday. The answer is hanging out with him and getting some burly guys to help move my piano into my house! It belonged to my grandmother and her mother before that. My parents have had the piano at there house for I can't even remember how long but have had trouble getting it out here. My brother recently got a new truck, which means he can now transport it. It also means I get to spend some time with him and he finally gets to see my space. I am super excited just in case you can't tell from the exclamation marks!

Sad day

I'm glad I had today off from work as I have been a bum all day and feeling really emotional after getting my period today. I never really realized how hard it would be to get my first one since we have been TTC again after both losses. I just feel I should have a little one in my arms and not an empty heart. I also have to find out some more information about a familial health concern that might cause me to TTA again. This is so not where I want to be right now...

Sunday Silliness

Happy Easter! Hope this doesn't offend anybody. Check the egg on the right. It is the Gangsta egg circa 2006.

Trying to conceive after a loss (TTCAL)

I'm not sure if this is related to trying again after two losses or due to the loss being later the second time around and having additional health conditions surrounding it, but I am finding TTCAL a lot different this time around. I feel more pressure, which I guess could also be not TTCAL related but more related to the fact it has been over a year since we started trying.

Right now I am affectionately in the period known as the two week wait before you can test to see if it is positive or not. I find myself overanalyzing ever symptom and of course early pregnancy symptoms are the same as bad PMS in most cases. I feel like this cycle I've analyzed more than the previous four, but it could just be that I don't remember since it was July last time we were actively trying.

I am trying my hardest not to get my hopes up and genuinely believe my period is going to come full force next week. Despite this I think it is going to be a very emotional time when it happens because this is my last chance to be a mom before 2012 is over. Somebody made a passing comment recently that maybe if it doesn't happen this cycle that our first living children will have their own year, which is a very good point. I guess I'll find out in the next few days, but for now I just wanted to jot down how I am feeling.

Second Due Date

The clovers that brought me peace on my last EDD since I feel it is appropriate for this time of year. I love the heart shaped petals on the left one.

So today when people are thinking about the luck of the Irish, I will be thinking about my unluckiness last year. Today was the EDD for my molar pregnancy. It has been a long nine months (really 10 months if you include the prior month's pregnancy), but I think things are finally on an upswing. Now that we are finally able to start trying to conceive helps, but the week leading up to today was still a little testing on the emotions.

A woman I know just gave birth to her daughter three days ago. I wonder how long it will take me to stop comparing where I would have been at to where she is at. I hope that it won't last long because although I don't see her often, I am sure I will have to see her.

Today though I will keep a positive attitude. This is officially the last weekend of winter, so I know the days will get better. Just as the weather changes, attitude changes as well. Today I will enjoy my loving husband and cuddly dogs. My husband used to tell this story to me about how when we used to talk of the phone prior to dating. Both of us would talk about other relationships/people we were interested in. At the time we both liked each other, but neither one of us wanted a long distance relationships. Well he says sometimes when I would talk about other guys he would think "someday she'll be mine" or "someday this will be about me". In honor of this, today I choose to think "someday it will be our turn", and this brings me hope.